


Shopping Cart Warriors

by raging_storm (orphan_account)



Series: STØRM'S NEW STUFF [5]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Introspection, M/M, Major Character Injury, Permanent Injury, Recreational Drug Use, Rivalry, Self-Reflection, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-19 13:25:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14874566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/raging_storm
Summary: He'd only gone to get coconut shampoo and a few other things for Debby when the accident happened.It wasn't his fault.





	1. Retail Riot

**Author's Note:**

> "Knowing yourself is the beginning to all wisdom."
> 
> ~ Aristotle

The car pulled up to the store one hot summer morning. Its owner got out, phone in one hand to his ear, and slammed the door shut behind him. There he proceeded up the parking lot, distracted by the caller.

"Yeah, I'll remember to get toilet paper," Josh said distractedly. He moved around a woman sorting her bags in front of the entrance, annoyed. People couldn't do that in their cars or elsewhere? They had to block the damn doorway?

"Make sure you get me some shampoo, too," the voice on the other end was saying. The person was clearly sick; their voice was hoarse and dry.

"I will, I will," Josh said. "The coconut kind, yeah?"

"You know me too well, Josh. Thanks again for going out."

"Anytime, Debs," Josh said. The cool air hit him as he walked through a pair of automatic doors and into the grocery store. 

"Oh, and can you not get the lemon cough drops this time? They taste like Kid's Tylenol and misery," Debby said. 

"You'll get what you get," Josh said playfully, but as he entered the pharmaceutical aisle, he made sure to avoid lemon cough drops. "Any other requests while I'm out?"

"I don't think so," Debby said. 

Josh shifted the phone to his shoulder and clamped it to his ear as he grabbed a pack of tissues and a loaf of bread from an adjoining rack outside the aisle. "Okay. Make sure you're drinking plenty of water."

"Yep," Debby said. She broke into a fit of coughing. "Damn, being sick sucks. I'm gonna go take a nap, Josh. Have tea ready when I wake up!"

Josh laughed. "Don't worry, I got you. Love you, Debs. Bye." 

As they parted, he stopped outside a rack of toiletries. "Coconut shampoo," he muttered, leaning down and scanning the rack. "The girl has some strange requests." He wish he'd remembered his grocery list, but it was sitting where he left it on the counter. Then he mentally slapped himself. He could've asked Debby for the damn list!

"Whatever," Josh grumbled to himself. Items under one arm, he began to make his way towards the back of the store. "Toilet paper," he said aloud. 

The grocery store that had underwent no changes in the past twenty years of its existence suddenly decided to make an impromptu decision to renovate. They had replaced the wall paneling in the back, fixed the ceiling, replaced the freezers with brand new ones, and even added a damn cafeteria. Most annoying of all, however, was the rearranging of everything in the store. The rotisserie was where the vegetables were, the vegetables were where the fruit was, and the fruit was in the middle of fucking nowhere. Nothing was where it should have been, and it pissed Josh off.

"Can I help you, Mister?" 

Josh turned to see an employee with a box under his arm. His nametag read "HI, MY NAME IS FRED! WORKER SINCE 2008" in a cheerful red font that unfortunately clashed horribly with his red uniform.

"Yeah, actually. I'm looking for toilet paper?" Josh asked it like a question.

"Towards the back, aisle 4. We added new signs, it's right up there." The employee pointed to said sign.

"Ah," Josh said, feeling slightly stupid. "Thanks. You guys changed things, I have no idea where stuff is anymore."

The employee laughed. "Yeah, things got pretty confusing around here. We even moved all the dairy products. Anything else I can help you with?"

What was that damn thing on his grocery list...? He knew he'd forgotten something.

"No," Josh said. "But thanks." He began to turn.

Two things happened in the space of five seconds. 

The employee shouted "Hey!" and grabbed Josh by the shoulder, trying to pull him sideways. The box he'd been holding crashed to the floor. Its contents became instantly known to the rest of the store as several dozens of egg cartons burst open, yolks splattering the squeaky clean tiles.

He only had a second to wonder what the fuck he'd done when something large and metal slammed into his chest, sending him to the ground.

 

 


	2. when the lights are out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh confronts the fucker who rammed him, backed up by a six-foot tall employee. 
> 
>  
> 
> raging_storm takes things too fucking literally when writing summaries.

The first thing he heard was "Holy shit." The speaker knelt over him, nervousness plastered on his face. "Are you okay?"

Josh's confused mind snapped back to reality at the question. His mouth formed the right words at his brain's behest. "Do I look like I'm okay to you?"

The speaker proffered a hand. "Jesus Christ," he said, frantic, "I'm so sorry. Man, I'm sorry."

Josh ignored the hand and felt a brief spark of anger as he scanned the floor. His items had gone flying from his arms when he fell. The bottle of coconut shampoo had come open, and its milky white contents were spilling onto the ground. His elbow hurt, too, and when he examined it he could see the start of a bruise forming.

Shit.

A crowd had gathered, comprised of people mildly interested in the proceedings and some who could hardly contain their mirth at the situation. One such person was a woman standing towards the back. She had one hand over her mouth, and her face was the picture of horror and shock, but her eyes betrayed the laughter. Wordless, she shook her head.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The employee stepped back in at that moment, in front of Josh. At 6 feet, he towered angrily over the other man who looked suitably abashed. "You're lucky I'm not reporting you, or you'd be banned from this supermarket for life. You could have killed him!"

"Thank you," Josh said quickly, to stop the tirade he sensed coming. He pushed himself off the ground with one hand and brushed himself off. His shoes were covered in shampoo and he glared at the offender. "You owe me a new pair of fucking shoes," he said. Cursing in public wasn't really his style, but the situation called for it. It was either that or punch the dude right in the nose.

"I know, I know," the guy said. He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm really sorry," he offered lamely. 

"Sorry? You hit me with a fucking shopping cart!"

"Not one of my better ideas," the guy agreed.

The woman in the back who'd looked as if she was laughing threw up her hands, exasperated. "Tyler," she said, "I told you it was a bad idea! And you didn't listen to me!"

"Tyler, is it? Now I'll know the name of the guy who owes me new shoes," Josh snarled.

Once again, "Tyler" held out his hand. This time Josh took it.

"Sorry," offered Tyler again, lamely.

Josh ignored him. The employee stepped forward again. "Sir," he said, "I want you gone." 

The crowd parted as if Tyler were Moses. But they stared at him as if he were some filthy criminal. The woman, Jenna, grabbed his arm. "You're in trouble for that," she said lightly, but firmly.

Tyler rolled his eyes. 

Josh grabbed his shoulder. "I want your number," he said. "I was serious about you owing me new shoes."

"Yeah, yeah, totally. Got a pen?"

Josh didn't, but the woman with Tyler did. She dug in her purse and produced one. Tyler scanned around for a writeable surface. "Do you have a...?"

"Write it on my hand," Josh said, extending his hand. Tyler did.

The employee watched to make sure they were leaving, then called someone to help clean up the mess. 

"Sorry about that, sir," he said to Josh, who shook his head in reply. "Some people are unbelievable."

Too annoyed to bother garnering all his items again, Josh grabbed a pack of cough drops off a rack - carefully checking the wrapping to make sure they weren't lemon flavored - then headed to the self check-out. Debby would just have to deal without coconut shampoo for a while.

\--

Pulling into the driveway, he exited his car and immediately headed to the hose attached to the side of the house. He unwound it and turned it on shower, then aimed it at his shoes and turned it on.

"Shit!" he yelled as the spray ricocheted off and splashed his shirt. He aimed the hose away, dripping. 

His shoes weren't any cleaner, either. They were splotched with bits of dried egg and shampoo that had congealed all over the front to form a crust that pizza would be jealous of had it been sentient. Now they were soaked to boot. 

Definitely ruined.

Josh turned the hose off and kicked his shoes off in the garage, chucking them in the bin. Goodbye shoes, he thought. Thanks for being a part of my life. Then he went inside to face his girlfriend.

Having been left a hefty sum of money by deceased parents, Debby Ryan didn't stint herself on buying a house. She picked a four bedroom two bathroom beauty complete with basement, sizeable backyard, and pool. This she shared with her boyfriend, Josh, whom she had been dating for three years now. Though Josh would have preferred to live on his own, she insisted, and who was he to deny her anything? 

He entered the house quietly. The lights were off, the air condition on. In the laundry room, a load of laundry was whirring in the washing machine and Josh smiled. Despite being sick, Debby still pulled her weight around the house; she must have popped the load of laundry in after he left.

True to her word, the girl herself was fast asleep on the couch. Her arm hung over the side; her mouth was wide open; her hair was mussy; and she snored the congested snore of someone with a stuffy nose. As promised, Josh headed into the kitchen, boosting on the Keurig coffee maker and proceeding to generate a mug of hot water, into which he dropped a packet of breakfast tea. Debby was particular about her tea. It had to be breakfast tea, no matter what.

"Even during lunch or dinner?" Josh once asked on a dinner date, incredulous. 

"Even during lunch or dinner, Joshua," Debby said, then proceeded to pelt him with an olive from her salad. That didn't please their waiter, nor the manager who was passing by and was hit by Josh's retaliation olive.

Tea ready, Josh carefully brought the steaming mug over to her side and left it on a coaster. Then he stripped off his soaking soaks and tossed them into the laundry room onto the floor. He'd take care of them later after he showered. 

He'd scrub his skin nearly off to try and take off the supermarket grime, but he'd be careful not to remove the phone number written on his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okkkk

**Author's Note:**

> Things start cheerful and always end darkly with me.


End file.
